Yenta

So Kids, Mama's finally got herself a gig and what a gig it is. This is a job that I couldn't have dreamed up even with all the time in the world. What may you ask is this job? Why I'm going to be a matchmaker. Seriously? Yes. Seriously.

I was scrolling through my local craigslist job listings and found myself scrolling to the bottom of the page due to someone commenting on an inappropriate personal assistant ad (apparently the ad asked for the assistant to be attracted, uninhibited and open minded..hmmm). So I scrolled down trying to find the ad (whatever don't judge. You would totally do the same - perv). And there like a beacon at the bottom of the page was the heading "Matchmaker Wanted". I answered the ad and was worried since the ad was old. But a few hours later my interview was set.

Kids this is the perfect job. Its a chance to have fun and have a job that won't feel like a real job. plus I've decided to pen a book while working at this matchmaking company. I can just see it and I know it would be awesome. So things seem to be looking up. Plus I'm convinced that surrounding myself with so much love will inevitable bring love into my life.

For five months I have been actively and tirelessly looking for a job and nothing has happened. NOTHING. i don't understand what is wrong with me. I've submitted my resume to well over 200 jobs as well as countless recruiters and only 2 recruiters have called me. Both recruiters express with amazement how could it be that I don't have a job with such a fantastic resume? If its so damn good then why does no one want to hire me? What is the problem?

I'm starting to feel really shitty about myself. Its not my fault I'm smart and I have been trusted to do so many different things at the jobs I've worked. I've apparently taken myself out of the running by being a good employee. How the fuck does that work? I work my ass off at any job I go into and I do the damn thing and that makes me unhireable.

I'm thisclose to writing a cover letter that says "You should hire my because I will do my job and the job of three other people. I will work my ass off for you as long as you leave me the hell alone and pay me well" or changing everything on my resume to something inferior to what I've already done. I'm starting to consider changing titles and duties and taking off my college degree to see if it helps me get a job. Its just ridiculous. If Bill Clinton was still president I would have a damn job. Fuck you very much Bush.