Dating Dilemnas

Women really need to give men a chance – we are too quick to paint them in the clothes of villainy before they’ve even committed an offense. We read these dating books from experts that supposedly will help any women find her Mr. Right in lightening quick time. I just don’t believe it’s all possible. I think when women read these sorts of books what they are effectively doing is shutting themselves down to any prospective date who doesn’t live and die by some rules that he probably doesn’t even know about it. I’ve seen women discount men and throw them away over waiting three days to call. Hello – THREE DAYS? This is why you are alone – this is why you can’t find anyone. I think all these books do is just make women look bad and have them make mistakes.

Yes these books are good for those of us who are truly clueless and have no idea when they’re being treated like a doormat. But still the idea that a man is not allowed ANY excuses and is supposed to drop all priorities and completely quit his life when he meets you seems not only excessive but creepy and seriously desperate. A girlfriend and I were talking about “The List” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” the other night and what we decided was that these books were good IDEAS (so is communism on paper) but that people take these books TOO FAR. You have to get at the root of these books which is that women need to realize that they deserve to be treated well and that they should not put up with bad treatment from men. But following these books to the letter just seems ridiculous especially considering how much these books seem to foster co-dependent relationships.

What it comes down to is that if you know exactly what you want from a man and your non-negotiables aren’t ridiculous (being fabulously rich, tall, dark and handsome should not be non-negotiables by the way) you shouldn’t have that difficult of a time finding someone to connect with and someone who will treat you well. I think that it’s silly for women to expect that a man will know how she wants to be treated when she hasn’t even said anything to him. How is a man supposed to know that three days is too long to wait to call you after a date – did you tell him this? Did you try and correct the behavior with him? If a guy is interested in you he wants you to be happy and will do whatever you want (within reason) to make sure that you’re happy.

The next time your date doesn’t call in some pre-determined time frame cut him some slack and try again with him. You never know what could happen. You could potentially be walking away from the love of your life all because he called one day late. Think about that. Remember these books are not something for you to live you life according to – think of it like any book it might be full of good ideas but maybe all of them aren’t that realistic in practice or maybe they don’t all work for you and what you want. Personally I would be seriously creeped out if a new guy called me 24 hours after a first date or after first meeting me or if a new guy wanted to spend all of his time with me. These books make blanket statements and any social scientists worth their salt knows that blanket statements cannot exist because it is impossible for it to apply 100% to everyone all the time.