So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Bye!

New York has done me a lot of favors over the last odd 10 years. I have grown so much and I finally feel like I am who I want to be at this phase of my life and its partly because of her. She has given me so many experiences and brought so many wonderful people into my life and for that I'm eternally grateful.

However, it s no time to say good bye to her and move on. It really has not hit me yet that I'm literally packing up my life and starting somewhere fresh. It feels good though. Its on my terms and its how I want it. I'm not running back home with my tail between my legs and the stink of failure on me. This is a welcome homecoming and a one that has long been in the works.

There are so many people who touched my life in a profound way and I cannot believe that I will not see them everyday, or every week, month, whatever. But I know that any friendships I made will last. There is no question of that. I just feel unnervingly strong, sure and confident. Everything is really going to be good, like so good I can't even begin to grasp the awesomeness.

Today I also got to see how much i've touched people and what a difference I've meant to them. You never think about how you do things or how you treat people you just do it and it is what it is. But its nice to know that its appreciated.

Well, readers look forward to some new adventures ahead here for ol Niobe. Because I can feel it and its all going to be big!

4 days and counting....

Nothing is getting to me this week, nothing. I'm so ready and I cannot believe how excited I am for this next phase. I will so positive and so good about everything that is coming around the corner. I know, I just know that by July 1st my entire life is going to be completely different from where it is right now. All I see is possibility. Its like God has opened all the windows and all the doors and said HAVE AT IT, and baby I'm taking!

5 days and counting

Well its finally here, my last five days. I simply cannot wait to start anew with my family and begin building a life down in my hometown. I've decided that I'm not going to let anything or anyone bother me these last five days. This includes my roommate who is normally a hideous nag but has really stepped it up over the last month. It has pretty much been non stop. Yesterday after she had been nagging me all week about some stupid crap that was on my "before I leave list"I stopped talking to her. Completely, she would ask me a question and I would not answer her, she finally asked what was wrong and I told her I'm stressed out and you are making it worse. Instead of listening to me she then began to tell me that she wanted to get rid of furniture, but not all the furniture just three pieces. I told her that when she moves out all she has to do is packup a few boxes and then call the Salavation Army and they will pick up everything, plus if she does have to drag anything out to the actual Salvation Army she wil have someone to help her. I on the other hand have made countless trips to the Salavation Army and dropped bins of books to the local libray. I'm not complaining, its just she is acting as it its impossible to do this.

I really think I need to just be away from her. I feel like she has not been positive at all about my move and she has not spent any time with me for the past two months and is now saying we need to do stuff. Honestly, I'm not interested. I am looking forward to not living with her and being able to be on my own and not be bothered. She really needs to curtail her emotional blackmailing and nagging because if she doesn't her fiancee will leave her dead fast once he's with her full time and sees how bad it is.

Time Keeps On Slipping

I can't believe I am closing in on my last few weeks in my city. There is so much to be done and it just seems never ending. Today I was finally able to drag a bunch of stuff out to donate but now I've realized I still have more to get rid of. I swear how does one acumulate so much crap? You would think I've never gotten rid of anything in my entire life. Now I just want it all gone. I want to start anew and feel like everything is really perfect and really how I want it. Looking around my apartment I can't wait to leave. This place is embarassing I never fixed it up because it always seemed like I was going to move then when I accepted I was settled I never wanted to bring in anything nice since any nice thing I brought into the house my roommate would immediately ruin it unapologetically.

Plus I feel so different since coming back from Vegas. I don't know what it is. I think that maybe my trip to Vegas was so full of possibilities and I feel so satisfied after that experience. I typically feel really let down after my trips but I just loved being in Vegas. I really feel changed somehow. I wish I could put my finger on it because it feels annoying. I feel like a new person. Maybe it was just renewing? I feel a little like I did after I have my energy work done. I feel as if all worry I had before my trip has completely dissipated. I'm not worried about anything. Nothing. Its like that action no longer can exist in my world. I feel that nothing is in front of my other then limitless possibilites. I feel like I really am liviing the zen saying "leap and the net will appear"

Vegas, Baby! Vegas!

So I just returned from Sin City. I see where the name comes from. I didn't get to see as much sin up close but I certainly practiced my favorite vices (boozing, gambling and flirting). It was a family vacation which seems like it would be lame but it was really fun. I actually cannot wait to go back. I've never felt that way about a place I've vacationed, I typically don't like most places but I loved Vegas.

We stayed at a gorgeous hotel and has amazing meals and saw some of the best shopping ever. We only stayed for a few days and we definately needed more time. We didn't get to go to any shows and we were obsessively discussing seeing the Neil Diamond impersonator the next time we go.

Yes, I won money and had a great time. I had a craps partner who was completely my luck charm and I was his. Whenever we played together we both did so well. My first night in Vegas he (yes, I know we'll get to that later) and I hit the tables and did great. When I rolled I was making everybody money. I would get high fived and cheers and thunderous applause. Let me say girl was riding high!! It was so much fun. I had a gorgeous guy fawning on me and table of men adoring my dice rolling abilities. Great night. I did the complete Vegas thing of staying up for over 24 hours. Great times.

Okay, so yeah the guy. I know thats what you all care about ;) It was random. Okay, not really random. This is a guy who has been friends with a few of my family members for a few years. I always heard, always "you have to meet him, you would get along". I would roll my eyes and think that there is no way they could be right. Yeah, so guess whose a dumbass.....THIS GUY. Of course the whole time I was being told he was perfect for me he lived in my hometown now that I've been forced to meet him and enjoyed his company he naturally lives on the other side of the country. Nice.

So I figured that if something is meant to happen then it will. There has to be a reason I'm meeting him now and not before. It may be as simple that we are not for each other and the distance will insure that or we are for each other but the disance is a way to keep the relationship going slowly and allow us to both be independent. I suppose only time will tell.

The first night we spent hanging out we were quite cozy chatting away from my family and the crowd. Then we hit a crowded craps table and were smushed together and quickly became comfortable touching and hugging each other. We left the tables together and sat at the bar chatting and I was tired and he was getting ready to walk me up to my room he stopped and grabbed me around the waist. I thought, okay here it comes. Instead it was just him saying he was going to try and win his money back. But it seemed like a last minute decision. Looking back, I think he realized just as i did that if we got into the elevator we may get to another vice in Sin City. If you know what I mean, wink-wink, nudge-nudge. I feel like he was trying to be respectful to my family by not pouncing on me.

We did however spend a great deal of time together the next day (he even pushed his flight back as late as he possibly could) and got to know each other. It was weird. We had a lot in common and we shared a lot of the same thoughts and experiences. At dinner he made a point of taking a different seat so he could be next to me. At the end of the night he slipped me his card and gave me a big hug and begged for me to stay in touch.

So I've decided to play cool and wait a few days to drop him a line. I figured a brief, flirty email would be a good place to start and his next step will be to give me a call instead of returning the email.

We shall see what happens. But I know I would regret not giving it a shot and seeing what could happen. Plus he lives in a really cool city that I've never visited and he did invite me several times to visit him.

Like a Ton of Bricks

Monday I resigned. Yup, did it. Gave my month's notice and am ready to walk away. Of course, this past week was the most hectic of my time at my company. I hope the rest of the time is not that crazy.

But here is my real problem. Its now real. Like really real. There is so much to be done both at home and at work. I'm already completely exhausted after one weekend of preparing for my move. My mother asked that I start packing and bring stuff down prior to our family vacation next week. I have spent all weekend packing. I have too much crap, WAY too much crap. This move is at least letting me downsize. But it feels so overwhelming, I have so much to do! I just can't move past it. I know that this is the best decision that I could possibly have made. I'm certain that this move will attract all the wonderful things that I wanted here that just never manifested.

Looking into my bedroom and seeing stuff packed into storage bins and my 15 space bags utilized is just too much. I'm so excited and not worried in the least I just think this move is going to stink. I haven't moved since college and the thought of packing everything up and getting rid of all the unused, uneeded crap is just a lot of work. I have so much stuff to get rid of and don't know where to turn for that. I need to dump my furniture and dumps bags and bags and bags of clothes and shoes and bedding. I think that the day I leave I will have a group like Salvation Army come to pick up all this crap.

just not sure where to donate the two huge bins of books I have. I don't know if the library will take them or if I should call churches in the area or schools. It seems weird since they aren't typical books. A lot of them are old college textbooks or just college books period.

I believe it will all fall into place. I just know this is going to be an emotional and exhausting month. Right now I'm just looking forward to my family vacation and for that to be fun and relaxing. Of course, then I get to come back to a storm of "to dos" but I know myself everything will get done before I live. EVERYTHING. I know it. I trust myself.