Pink Elephant

I’ve begun reading a little instructional book that lists things you should know before hopping into bed with someone. Seems like a wonderful idea on the outside – just an innocuous book full of interesting and revealing questions. Though the more I read the more I realized all the folks that I’ve hopped into bed with I have known such a small amount of this information. The author is correct in saying that once you’ve been physically its hard to ask intimate questions since the relationship now feels that way.

This book really started getting me intrigued. The author speaks of her own experiences and what eventually lead her to such a zen approach to bedding mates. Then one part stopped in my track there indented in was a question for you to ask yourself which is how much superficial sex do you need? How many orgasms do you need to have from someone who doesn’t love you? And I must say I’ve never seen casual sex put in such terms before and I found it shocking and shaking. Amid questions such as  “what do you see in the clouds?” and “who was your favorite relative as a kid?” was this bombshell.

Was this the pink elephant in the room? This is something that I supposed enlightened people see but don’t share with all of us down below. I wish I had seen this book back in my casual sex days because I think it would have been an even bigger bomb for me back then. But of course those who are pursuing casual sex don’t want to be bogged down with information such as one’s last name and they don’t really care what you see in the clouds they just want to see you naked.

Veruca Salt Syndrome

Apparently spring has sprung and young men’s fancy is turning to love or at least getting some. And I find myself in a predicament that tends to happen at the start of every season. Intense and paralyzing boredom. I don’t know if it’s the anticipation of leading up to all the possibilities that a new season holds or if it’s just waiting for the real change just puts ants in my pants or what. I just want to stop wearing a coat and be able to go have drinks after work outside. Is that too much to ask? I don’t think it really is.

I love spring it’s the best season there is. After a long cold, dark winter everywhere you go everything is bright and shiny. All of the gorgeous guys that have been hibernating all winter long finally emerge from their caves or burrowed holes or where ever and come out in their beautiful glory. Sigh how one longs for the start of spring. I’m fairly certain that many famous authors and playwrights have had quite a few marvelous things to say on the subject.

I guess I just have no idea how to patient and when I want something I want it now. I believe this is referred to as the “Veruca Salt Syndrome”. Quite certain Willy Wonka would’ve taught me lesson but I probably would’ve been too impatient to learn it – hmmm certain that might be some form of irony. Interestingly enough I’m patient in all sorts of areas in my life – if I wasn’t a patient person I would easily commit homicides three or four times a day. It’s just that when I want something I want it now and I just really don’t want to wait. Why delay gratification right? This quite possibly goes back to my childhood. But I don’t really remember getting what I want as a child. Maybe I’m making up for what I feel was a slight my entire childhood? Jesus I think they call these “breakthroughs” in therapy. So maybe if I had been given the odd toy now and again when I wanted it I could understand the give and take of patience. Sweet Georgia Brown it all makes sense now.

Adventures in Dating

Not that I want this blog to turn into one giant rant about dating --- but it is a large part of being in your twenties is naviagating through these particularly murky waters. I’m finding it so difficult to rationalize and understand men. The older I get the more complicated everything becomes. It’s quite frustrating. My friends believe that you should be a free agent until someone proposes a fair contract. Now that’s never been something that I’ve been able to do nor have I really ever felt like I could date multiple men. But apparently my eggs are going to get crushed if I keep them in the same basket or something to that effect. So I guess I have to diversify my egg collecting baskets. These metaphors (these are metaphors right? Whatever not the point) are confusing.

As you may recall (or scroll down the page to remember) I’ve lamented for a simpler time.  It may be possible that watching too many John Hughes movies has completely screwed up my idea of romance and falling in love. Exactly where the hell is John Cusack and Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes? Then again inevitably the guy who would do that would be someone who is completely obsessed with and then you have to go down to the police station and fill out all the paperwork and honestly who has time for all of that?

I think too many false expectations have somehow pushed their way into my mind. I often find myself thinking things and feeling things and I have no idea why I feel that way or why I’m thinking something that I honestly do not believe. I think sometimes irrationality completely beats the crap out of all of your rational thoughts and you’re stuck feeling absolutely crazed.  For some reason or another it’s as if my mind cannot comprehend solid facts like things just cannot be that easy. It cannot be as simple as he liked you, he wants to see you again there MUST be something else going on. I have no idea how the hell I’ve gotten programmed that way and I would love for it to stop. I think I need some serious deprogramming if anyone knows of anyone who is trained in helping victims of brainwashing I would be much obliged.

It just amazes me that vibrant, confident and incredible women (myself included) can feel so diminished by a man. It is so mind boggling. What is wrong with our culture where so much pressure is put upon us to be searching and hunting for a man. Granted I want to get married and I want to have babies but that is a fairly new feeling. Up until a few years ago I really never saw myself married or even in a monogamous relationship. I really thought that I would jump from lover to lover to lover for the rest of my life and die with a closet full of very sexy skeletons. Well at this point I have a closet full of super sexy skeletons and I want to permanently lock that door. It’s just frustrating to feel ready and to not have the rest of the world moving at the same pace.

Dating Dilemnas

Women really need to give men a chance – we are too quick to paint them in the clothes of villainy before they’ve even committed an offense. We read these dating books from experts that supposedly will help any women find her Mr. Right in lightening quick time. I just don’t believe it’s all possible. I think when women read these sorts of books what they are effectively doing is shutting themselves down to any prospective date who doesn’t live and die by some rules that he probably doesn’t even know about it. I’ve seen women discount men and throw them away over waiting three days to call. Hello – THREE DAYS? This is why you are alone – this is why you can’t find anyone. I think all these books do is just make women look bad and have them make mistakes.

Yes these books are good for those of us who are truly clueless and have no idea when they’re being treated like a doormat. But still the idea that a man is not allowed ANY excuses and is supposed to drop all priorities and completely quit his life when he meets you seems not only excessive but creepy and seriously desperate. A girlfriend and I were talking about “The List” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” the other night and what we decided was that these books were good IDEAS (so is communism on paper) but that people take these books TOO FAR. You have to get at the root of these books which is that women need to realize that they deserve to be treated well and that they should not put up with bad treatment from men. But following these books to the letter just seems ridiculous especially considering how much these books seem to foster co-dependent relationships.

What it comes down to is that if you know exactly what you want from a man and your non-negotiables aren’t ridiculous (being fabulously rich, tall, dark and handsome should not be non-negotiables by the way) you shouldn’t have that difficult of a time finding someone to connect with and someone who will treat you well. I think that it’s silly for women to expect that a man will know how she wants to be treated when she hasn’t even said anything to him. How is a man supposed to know that three days is too long to wait to call you after a date – did you tell him this? Did you try and correct the behavior with him? If a guy is interested in you he wants you to be happy and will do whatever you want (within reason) to make sure that you’re happy.

The next time your date doesn’t call in some pre-determined time frame cut him some slack and try again with him. You never know what could happen. You could potentially be walking away from the love of your life all because he called one day late. Think about that. Remember these books are not something for you to live you life according to – think of it like any book it might be full of good ideas but maybe all of them aren’t that realistic in practice or maybe they don’t all work for you and what you want. Personally I would be seriously creeped out if a new guy called me 24 hours after a first date or after first meeting me or if a new guy wanted to spend all of his time with me. These books make blanket statements and any social scientists worth their salt knows that blanket statements cannot exist because it is impossible for it to apply 100% to everyone all the time.