How Did the Brakes Go Out?

This past long holiday weekend I took a pause from my honey and started to realize that I had yet to stop and ask myself what I wanted, what I needed and if Boyfriend could really give me those things. I started to think that maybe we needed to break up or slow down but that was knocked out of my head by friends who lovingly mentioned that I may be projecting feelings onto the relationship that should not be there. Granted, they are normally quite correct. Especially since current Boyfriend is reminiscent of Very First Boyfriend Ever. Turns out I'm reminiscent of Very First Girlfriend Ever to Boyfriend.

Interesting conversations happened last night. I'm still not sure what to think or how to feel. I think we are both so confused. I feel like I was pumping this relationship so fast because I wanted to see where it was going to go and what would happen and I just never stopped to think I'm I comfortable with how fast this is all going? The answer is an overwhelming no for the both of us. Somehow neither of us wanted it to go so fast and yet neither of us hit the brakes. I think I was just so thrilled to meet a great guy I just wanted to hold on and his life is such a mess he grabbed onto the first stable thing he saw.

What it comes down to is that we are two people who care about one another but who have been hurt extremely badly and are very scared. Both of us want to go incredibly slow but we somehow lost sight of that so now I'm not sure how to proceed. When Boyfriend (well not Boyfriend anymore) said that he wanted to slow down he thought my reaction would be so violent that he would never see again so he never stopped to think where we wanted it to go. So now we're in limbo.

Considering that I'm no slouch in the looks or personality department I figure I will try my best, put my best foot forward and just get out there and see what happens. There is no law against having fun while trying to figure out what you want, right? I just need to break away from him and really think and I may figure it all out in a few days or in a month. I also know I have a lot of stuff I need to work on from my past and so does he. Only time will tell where this is headed and what's going to happen. While I still believe that "Boyfriend" and I have something special and something I've never seen before that doesn't mean that it won't change. If he and I are meant to happen it will come back around if not I'll meet someone who will just blow him out of the water.