Hmph...

So I still haven't heard a peep out of Einstein. One of my girlfriends keeps telling me that its not about me that its about him so I need to get over it and be more detached. She's probably right. He got this started with me and now has to clean up his own mess. This would not have been a problem had he just talked about not being exclusive while she was gone. I believe everything happens for a reason but I don't see why this and why now. Einstein and I were supposed to meet so many times before we actually did. Why now when he is in this unhappy miserable relationship? Am I supposed to be the kick in the ass to get him out of it? I don't know. I don't think that I should be part of this equation. He should be deciding to leave his relationship because he is unhappy not because he has met me. I don't want to be the reason he breaks it off or cuts it back with this girl. He needs to be the reason to do that.

All I want to hear is what's going on. I just want to know what he's thinking. My speculations are without a doubt a million times worse then anything he could ever tell me. What is it with guys? Seriously. You're confused, that's fine I don't need you to be a answer key here chief. I just need to know the status. Okay, so you're going to Argentina great. Are we giving this a shot when you get back? Are you going down there to try and work it out? (though how you work out not being attracted to your girlfriend is beyond me). I just want to know. I have no problem waiting to start dating him but I just need to know that there is this wait time and how long its going to be and what the hell is going on.

I just don't like feeling as if I do not matter. I think thats what is really getting me. I know its not about me but I can't help but feel that way. He knows I know he's going to see her and he hasn't said anything to me. I don't know if he just doesn't know what to say or if he believes he does not have a responsiblity to me. Not to sound like a 5 year old, but he started this! He turned our first hanging out alone into a date. He turned our second time hanging out into a date. He's the one who kissed me and took me by the hand and acting like a big giant gentleman, dammit. How can I resist that?

Anxiety

I'm supposed to hear from Einstein some time this week to discuss what's going on with him and his Argentinian Girlfriend situation. According to my girlfriend he is quite confused and is unsure as to how he is going to proceed. She told him that he can't just sit in the corner and be confused and leave me in the dark. That was not fair to me and if he's confused he needs to tell me that he's confused.

Well hell, I'm confused too. The last thing I ever expected was to go to my friends birthday dinner and meet some great guy. I'm surprised. I'm totally taken aback by this whole situation and I think it sounds as if he is too. Not to say this is some sweeping love affair, its too soon to say what it is quite honestly. But there is something here that I believe is worth exploring I think that it would be unfair to not give this a shot.

I'm trying to prepare myself for him going either way. I want to believe that he is going to call and say I want to give this a shot but I'm just confused. But I'm trying to prepare myself for him calling me and saying, uh, I think I need to give it a real shot with Argentina girl. Which I sort of don't think will happen because how do you keep dating someone who you are not that attracted to? Isn't that a big component in being with someone, that you do it for you? Not in a sleazy, disgusting way but your partner should be someone that you find attractive and appealing. He apparently is turned off by her. That is what we call a red flag.

Then I start to think about him going all the way to Argentina to tell her that he does not want to be exclusive with her, if it was me I'd kick his ass and send him back on the plane. Maybe she's not as fiery as I am but I know that would most definately be my reaction. How can you do that? Which is worse, finding out through a international long distance call that your boyfriend does want to be your boyfriend anymore? Or having him jump a plane and telling you in person? I think the reality is where do you hide with this? If it was me I would just not be able to deal with this and having him around would make me very upset. He has no place to run to if she is firepoker in hell in heated.

I'm hoping when I speak with him that some of these answers will be answered. Then again he doesn't owe me any explantation as to what is going to happen between him and her. That is not my business. I guess I'm just concerned over what is going to happen to him. I guess time will show, right?

Time Lag Much?

I haven't posted in a while and I actually haven't even thought about posting in a while. Things have been sort of crazy but in very good ways. I've just been so incredibly busy.

To update everyone. The Ex and I tried to maintain a friendship and it blew up a little over a month ago when Ex began yelling at me about all the things I did wrong in our relationship and how I ruined it. I told him that we could not be friends if he insisted on still acting like my boyfriend all the time and couldn't leave the past in the past. I said if he could not abide by those rules then there is the door. Have not heard from him since and I don't really miss him. With all the distance between me and our relationship it really was totally for the best that he and I ended everything. If he was to ever come back into my life he would have a serious overhaul that would need to be done in order for me to date him again. I've definately changed up my priorities and he no longer applies to what I need and want.

As for sitting back and letting the men come to me, well its been like shooting fish in a barrel. I've met plenty of lovely nice guys via the internet but no one was really getting me feeling like WOW what a guy. Then last month was my friends birthday. She let me know that most people were not going to be able to make it out to celebrate and that it would just be me and her and a guy friend of her's I haven't met yet, we'll call him Einstein.

Now keep in mind I was supposed to meet Einstein about three times before I actually met him. All times I was quite tied up with another man, another relationship or just not in the frame of mind for love. As was the case for him. Well my girlfriend said when we met we both gave her the same look that said "you did not say s/he was cute!". I drove my girlfriend home and she asks me what I thought and I say he's really cute and funny. He says the same for me. The next day he sends out an invite to the three of us to go see a movie that Sunday. My girlfriend can't go so its just the two of us. We have a fake date. Because there was a moment when it turned and I said to myself, I think this may have become a date.

Well chemistry did fly and conversation was good and I eagerly awaited a follow up email or phone call. Sadly none really came. Though shortly thereafter he invited me and the same girlfriend to the movies. She wrote and asked if she should gracefully declined I said I felt that would be best and away we go. Another fake date. However, at the end of this fake date came a real kiss, a quick one but a kiss nonetheless.

I speak to my girlfriend about this and here's what it untangles. Einstein has a girlfriend who moved to Argentina several months ago. He and this girl were dating for three months when she left and they never discussed not being exclusive. He in fact told my girlfriend that he will deal with it when he meets someone. Well low and behold he has met someone. Now as of right now I have no idea what is going on with his status. We did have a real kiss, long and good, on Saturday night and I told him he needed to start asking me out on real dates and he agreed and said he'd be in touch. Now knowing that he is an ethical guy I'm imagining the Argentian girl is bye-bye. We shall see.

Its just nice to actually be around a sweet guy. The Ex was a great guy but he got so scared and so afraid of commitment that he just turned into a huge jerk and I didn't know how to handle that. I already feel very comfortable and cozy with Einstein. I find that I feel open to him in a way that I've never really felt before towards another guy. I just feel as if I can trust him. That he really would never do anything to hurt me. Its amazing the difference a few months make, huh? I really didn't believe that I would be here so soon. I had so much faith in Ex and he just didn't return that sentiment. I had my blinders on in that relationship and couldn't see the real big picture with him which was that he was depressed and scared and did not act appropriately.