Fallout Girl

So I'm still dealing with the fallout from last weeks revelation by Boyfriend (guess I have to figure out a new name, huh?). I just don't understand why this all has to hurt so badly? I keep trying to talk myself into thinking that I'm okay but it just keeps backfiring. In my heart of hearts I know that the both of us have things that we need to work on and if we both put in that hardwork this could actually go somewhere.

I just have never felt the way I feel for him. I'm trying to get back out there and see what happens. I don't know if the way I felt about him was because of my new found strength, confidence and self esteem and that I had resolved quite a lot of issues before I met him. I feel as if it is necessary to go out on some dates in order to really sort my feelings. I have also decided that I am not going to re-establish the friendship with Boyfriend until October 18th. Why October 18th? It just came into my mind today and it felt right. So I'm going with it. I'm attempting to have faith and trust my intuition. So here's the plan:

-For the next month and a half I'm following my gut. Whatever my instincts tell me to do I'm doing. I need to start really trusting in myself and seeing that I do in fact know whats best and my gut is pretty damn smart

- Go on 5 dates - at least. If possible more. If possible with 5 different guys.

- Start all of the new hobbies that I've been wanting to get into. I will go rock climbing this weekend. I took self defense last weekend. I will learn to knit the weekend after that. I will go kayaking after that and I will start archery right after that.

My goal is to have a date and a new activity every weekend until he and I talk again.

- I'm also going to do some work on forgiveness and work out the issue I have that has been the pink elephant in the room

All of these things I believe will help me move forward in my life. Even if Boyfriend does not come back into in a romantic sense. If anything it will make me a more interesting person and will allow me to get out there and meet new people and try some new things.