When All You Though You Knew Turns Out to Be Wrong

That pretty much says it there kids. Boyfriend said he doesn't want this, he isn't feeling it. He feels it more on the friendship tip then on the romantic tip. I called bullshit on him. He said that was fair. I told him I love him. He said he couldn't lose my friendship.

I feel as if I need to take him at face value and just accept what he is saying to me. But a voice inside of me is saying this has been different has is this even possible? But I guess its possible for me to feel something that he does not.

Boyfriend has helped me with a lot of things in my life. He has been a great friend to me. He has helped me work through a lot of my demons and has taught me that I can trust, depend and be vulnerable with a man and not have backfire in my face.

Most of all he has taught me to live life without fear. So I'm at a crossroads. Do I keep this amazing man in my life as a friend or do I just walk away. I'm not sure my life would be for the better without him in it. He said he sees me in his life forever just not as his wife. Yeah, that stung kids real bad. Maybe me seeing him in my life forever is in this capacity. I don't know. I cannot say what will happen next week or next month or next year.

Life is a crazy unpredictable journey. I feel very sad and very shaken by the conversation between us last night. I just never thought I could misread so one to the extent that I have misread him.

I know I need some serious time away from him to sort out how I really feel and what I really want. All I know is that since January 1st I have felt very strongly that 2006 is my year. This is when it all comes together. So if Boyfriend is not my connection then the next guy has to be even better.